What role are you playing today?
I bet there's more than one...
How many roles must we play before we play ourselves?
Daughter? Girlfriend? Employee? Wife? Daughter-in-law? Mother?
As young as I was when I landed the motherhood role, I was already half-buried under the demands of every other role I’d played thus far to the point I barely knew who I was. All of those roles paled in comparison to that of motherhood. None of them prepared me for the level of sacrifice required to raise little humans, particularly those with complicated needs.
Fast forward twenty-four years and four kids and I, the essence that defined me, was truly lost. That was four years ago.
The signpost leading me back was anger.
That red flag, stop sign, flashing beacon of alarm, screamed at me to return to self.
But first, I had to unlearn a lifetime of lessons.
No, it’s not selfish to take time for myself.
No, it’s not possible to please everyone. Don’t even try.
Yes, I am worthy of every good thing the same as everyone else.
Yes, my best was good enough even when it wasn’t. Which, with special needs kids, was often.
I had to get to know myself again. The simplest questions stumped me.
Favorite color?
No idea.
What did I like to do?
Sit in the car for as long as possible after everyone else went into the house.
What are my hobbies?
I didn’t have time and wouldn’t know what to do if I did.
Every ounce of energy went into caring for my family. Don’t get the wrong idea! I wasn’t one of those supermoms who baked cookies and muffins every week or packed the equivalent of a charcuterie board for my children’s lunches.
I didn’t iron tablecloths or hang the laundry in a color-coordinated rainbow.
Between our four kids, three pets, special needs therapies, and homeschooling, our home life was, at best, organized chaos.
We missed appointments, forgot homework, and ditched homeschooling more days than not. Some days it was all I could do to keep everyone alive.
People who didn’t understand what it was to care for special needs children urged me to leave the kids with my husband or in-laws and take time for myself. But when the repercussions of me leaving cost not just me but my older children days of coping with screaming tantrums, it soon became apparent it wasn’t worth it.
Day by day, I faded.
Finding my way back was a battle.
But I’m winning.
Wren, the heroine of No Sweeter Madness, was written from my heart of hearts. She is every one of us who has lived for everyone else and has put their lives on the back burner. At thirty-nine, Wren is poised to take back her life alongside her long-lost first love.
She just doesn’t know it yet.
No Sweeter Madness is a love story for every woman who lost herself to motherhood. And was brave enough to find herself again.
Drop in to talk to me in the comments. How are you doing with your role-playing? Can you relate?
Check out this week’s offerings!
Would you like to keep up to date with all my new releases? Visit me at www.devinsloane.ca or follow me on BookBub at http://www.bookbub.com/authors/devin-sloane
Have you read Live Again? If you love a story that brings you to your knees before sending your heart soaring into the stratosphere, Live Again is for you!
Rebecca Cleaver wants her life back.
Rhys Griffin is determined to give it to her.
If she won’t risk her heart, she’ll break his.
Rebecca
Grief. I wore its mantle of despair every waking moment for seven years until the morning I wake to find it slipping from my shoulders.
I can breathe again.
Suddenly, I’m planning to take back my life and reignite the fire in my eyes, one tiny bucket list item at a time.
But when my new contractor, Rhys Griffin, saunters through my front door? My fragile heart thuds in my chest. Straight-talking, compassionate, and oh so freaking easy on the eyes, he challenges me to imagine more.
I watched my whole world crumble once. And I can’t risk a repeat performance.
But can I truly live if I refuse to love?
Rhys
Rebecca Cleaver is the second chance I never expected.
She’s tiny but the sadness in her baby blues rips through me with the force of a hurricane. Out of all the women I’ve met since I lost my wife, why does my heart settle on the one I may not be able to hold?
I understand her suffering. Intimately.
If she lets me in, I’ll take us both out of the dark.
And if you haven’t yet downloaded Say It Again for free, what are you waiting for?!❤️
This weekend I’ll be playing the role of author at Ignite Your Soul in Toronto. Tickets are only $10.00. If you’re in The Big Smoke as my dad used to call it, I’d love for you to come visit me.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Live Messy, Love Madly!