Dial it Down?

No. It's time to turn it up!

What if, instead of shrinking to fit the expectations of those around us, we simply refused to relinquish our space?

Questions immediately jump to mind. How much space are we talking about? How much are we allowed? Who decides?

I can’t remember the first time someone told me I was too loud, too abrasive, too emotional, too confrontational, or all around too much, but I can tell you I’ve heard it several times over the years.

It began so early that the message is engrained in my psyche and has governed me for most of my life.

This idea of purposefully taking up space when you’ve lived your entire life making yourself as small as possible seems at best, unorthodox and at worst, positively seismic.

But a little rebellion is good for everyone.

You included.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not burning my bra or lobbying in the streets, though there is certainly a place for that. Nor am I writing petitions or calling my local government representative though that is also necessary.

Power moves are not required to claim space.

We can start small.

Begin at home.

With our parents and our siblings.

With our husbands or wives.

And most definitely, despite the fact we’ve been taught otherwise, with our children.

When we get the hang of it, we expand into our workplace, the grocery store, and the beach.

Yes, the beach. Your jiggly thighs, sturdy little legs, and pudgy butt need love too.

And yes, love. Allowing yourself to take up space may be the biggest act of love you can do for yourself.

In recent years I’ve been loving myself more and more.

I claim space for my body. I exercise, eat good food, and enjoy every sensual pleasure it has to offer. This requires me to put aside time to exercise rather than completing one of the dozens of tasks on my perpetual to-do list. It means my husband and I shut our bedroom door at night, and the children know not to knock unless there’s bloodshed. I set aside time to cook healthy meals, and sometimes I make meals I love that the children only tolerate.

I claim space for my mind by giving it free rein to write books starring strong women doing hard things, realistic and emotional love stories that celebrate female sensuality and sexual intimacy. To do that I had to get past my hang-ups with sex and ditch the shame that clung to me like a barnacle, a remnant from my Catholic schoolgirl upbringing. With intention, I allowed myself to take that step. When I write, I write for me. A spiritual purging. I edit for you.

I claim space for my voice. I’m doing it here by sharing my thoughts with you, hoping they deliver a sliver of courage to continue your journey.

It’s not easy to change your mindset. It’s awkward, embarrassing, and all kinds of uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier. Especially if you choose to surround yourself with people who don’t expect you to shrink to fit the version of you they hold in their heads.

With that, I return to my original question: How much space are we allowed to take?

Say it with me.

As much as we need.

Ignite Your Soul in Toronto was an absolute blast! Did anybody make it out? By the time I went to bed Saturday night, my cheeks ached from laughing!

One of my author friends, S.M. West, has a free book on offer right now that I’d like to share with you!

The book signing was fun, lots, but it was also a massive distraction and I have to get back to work!

I’m gearing up to begin book 4 of the Sage Ridge series. That’s all I can tell you for now - Shae, Bridget, Kian, Julian, and Gabe are all vying for my attention. It’s a knock down drag out fight in my brain and it’s anybody’s guess who’s going to make it to the end, but I’m betting on Shae.

If you’re in the mood for a super emotional, second chance, single dad love story, dive into Live Again. It’s available with your Kobo Plus membership and at most retailers where E-books are sold.

Rebecca Cleaver wants her life back.

Rebecca barely recognizes the pale shadow staring back at her in the mirror.

Drab. 

Colorless. 

Devoid of fire and light since burying her soulmate alongside her will to carry on. 

After seven years of living small, Rebecca is ready to claw her way back. 

She scratches out a bucket list to rebuild her life including renovating and selling the country home she once hoped to fill with children. 

The checklist is a safe bet, but contractor Rhys Griffin is not. 

Looking like the offspring of a biker babe and a Norse god, he’s a walking temptation. 

Worse? 

He’s even more beautiful on the inside. 

Falling in love again is the last thing on Rhys’ mind until he lands on Rebecca’s doorstep. Now he wants nothing less. 

He’s been where she is. 

He understands her pain. 

And he’s ready to take her hand and lead her out of the dark.

Rhys is everything Rebecca needs. 

There’s just one problem.

When you have everything, you have everything to lose.

That’s it for me for now. As Always - Live Messy, Love Madly!